Scary Clown Motel and UFOs

I am staying at the Scary Clown Motel in Tonopah, NV.  I am planning to stay here which seemed like a much better idea during the day when I am not scared of clowns. 
I am usually much braver when it is daylight, or my too kind and loving wife is with me.
Let me start at the beginning.  I am on my way to see my son in Nevada, and my too kind and loving wife couldn’t come with me, so I decided to the take the back roads and rediscover America. 
I find myself in Delta, UT headed down Highway 50, the Loneliest Highway in America, if you believe the signs.  After driving it, I do! 
I went 57 miles and did not see another car, rabbit, or prairie dog.  The land is a desolate dry lakebed with sparse vegetation, and an occasional sun faded BLM sign once every hundred miles that says, “Enjoy your Public Lands”. 
There is a crooked sign that says, “Next services…” but the “miles” was obliterated by a shotgun blast.
The entire time I have been driving, I have been eating Doritos, donuts, and Pepsi in quantities known to cause hallucinations. 
I have been driving for nine hours and feeling more lonesome all the time as I sing along with Simon and Garfunkel “Hello darkness my old friend”. 
The sugar and preservatives that give Doritos that particularly addicting taste has my overactive imagination working overtime.
Lately, I have been binge watching scary movies because I am retired and have nothing to do except whatever my to kind and loving wife finds on Pinterest and I have also been reading some of the recently released UFO information.   
I am worried that I am going to be abducted by UFOs because this is exactly the kind of place where little green men that drive UFOs pick up innocent stupid people; here and in mobile home parks. 
Everyone knows this.   I have watched “Independence Day”, “Men in Black”, and “Invasion of the Body Snatchers.  So I have a pretty good idea what really happens.
I am pretty sure that a UFO was following me because I could see little blinking lights or it was Star Link; but they are the same thing. 
Besides, I wouldn’t be this paranoid if everybody wasn’t out to get me.  I am sure Alexa is spying on me. 
The other day I asked Alexa if she was spying on me.  “Alexa are you spying on me?” 
“No.  Why do you ask?” 
“Oh, I don’t know I just feel like someone is watching me and I sometimes see blinking lights.”
She continues, “You aren’t going to wear that tie with that jacket are you.  It doesn’t match and besides you wore that last week.”
So I am on this particular road trip by myself.  My too kind and loving wife apparently had more important things to do; like stay alive or not get abducted by UFOs or stay in the Scary Clown Motel in Tonopah. 
I decided to stay at the Scary Clown Motel because a YouTube Influencer said to.  My too kind and loving wife and I have a deal… when I do stupid things… she lets me.
I finally arrive in Tonopah and drive to the seedy part of town (but alas I repeat myself) where I find the Scary Clown Motel and I turn into the parking lot. 
There are several real clowns hanging out by the sign; probably YouTube Influencers. I am not sure if they are sanctioned by the Motel or not; but there they are looking at me like I am their next victim.  
I see Jason with his hockey mask and machete.  The walls of the motel have clowns everywhere; some are happy looking clowns with balloons and others are not.  But, let’s be real, all clowns are scary.
As I check in there is gift shop with lots of scary looking clown stuff and I ask the desk attendant jokingly, “Has anyone ever died here.” 
He reassuringly answers, “Not in your room.”  He doesn’t break a smile or chuckle. 
I am sure I saw the picture of the clown behind him blink.  He asks if I want to go on the ghost tour when it gets a little darker, he twitches and his left eye rolls just a little.  He hands me a key and says, “Pleasant dreams.”
As I let myself into the room, I flip the light switch, and I hear it crackle and pop and the light flickers a few times and then stays on.
My too kind and loving wife actually have two deals; the other one is that whenever there are noises in the night, she goes checks them out and I stay in bed and sleep. 
She will suddenly pop up out of a dead sleep and say, “What was that?” 
I confidently say “Nothing.  I didn’t hear a thing.”  Which is mostly true since I can’t hear out of one ear and I sleep on my good ear.
You know how in scary movies the audience is always trying to tell the innocent young girl, “Don’t go in the dark room, that’s where the bad guy is.  Run.  Go the other way!”? 
Nope, she pokes her head in the doorway and says, “Is anybody in here?”  Then she opens the door all the way and walks in.  The audience thinks, “How dumb can these people be?”
Well, I walk right into the room like everything is fine.  I get in the room and close the door.  First thing I do is check under the beds and pull back the shower curtain. 
Okay, so far so good.  No murdering clown under the bed and Norman Bates isn’t in the shower with a 12” knife. 
I decide that perhaps a reasonable precaution would be to move the furniture around some and slide the dresser against the door.
I turn on the TV and no kidding, an Alfed Hitchcock movie is on.  Of course, I can’t sleep because I drank enough Pepsi to power a Space-X rocket and it is hard to sleep with all the lights on. 
I am sitting up in bed staring at Chucky and I swear he blinks every time I blink.  Miraculously, I do fall asleep but suddenly pop up out of a dead sleep and say, “What was that?” 
Oh, man I am missing my too kind and loving wife.  Chucky is still smiling at me.
As I leave the room in the morning, I notice a chocolate on the pillow of the adjacent bed that I am pretty sure wasn’t there when I fell asleep last night.  Hmmmm!