Herding Chickens

Well it seems like we are going to have to talk about what came first, the chicken or the egg.  I bring this up because eggs are getting pretty expensive these days. 
I went to buy a dozen eggs and the clerk wanted to charge me $6.29.  I said, “Excuse me miss, I think there must be some mistake.” 
I realize that I don’t shop much and perhaps the last time I actually bought eggs was when Muhlesteins were selling them. 
So I did some quick calculations accounting for inflation and the “Build Back Better” initiative and still couldn’t figure out how the eggs got to be so much.
I decided to call my good friend Billy-Bob, as many people think he is smart.  I don’t, but others do. 
So, I called him up and says, “Billy-Bob?  Do you have any idea why eggs are so daggum expensive?” 
He laughed.  “CaveGuy, you’re a day late and a dollar short.  While you wuz busy retiring, smoking cigars and drinking Pepsi me and the missus decided to pad our nest egg.” 
He chuckled at this obvious pun because he thinks he is clever.  But continues, “I have been raising chickens for some time now.” 
This hurt.  How could this be?  He might just be smarter than me.  After all, he was way ahead of me in the chicken business.  He offered to sell me a few at his cost, which was currently $157.35 per egg with the employee discount.
Billy-Bob’s obvious chicken success did not deter me, I still wanted to become a Chicken Rancher and I am looking for some investors in my Chicken Ranch. 
I am pretty sure I can beat Billy-Bob’s price.
However, I wasn’t sure if it should be a Chicken Zoo, a Chicken Farm, Chicken Ranch, or the Poultry Palace. 
And I wasn’t sure if I would have a group of chickens, a herd of chickens, or a flock of chickens. 
Geese are a close match, so perhaps a gaggle of chickens.  I have heard of a murder of crows, an aerie of eagles, and a committee of vultures.  But I decided a herd of chickens seemed reasonable.
Of course, to be a cowboy you have to learn the lingo, so as not to appear to be an idiot when I am at the local watering hole with my cowboy hat and spurs talking ranching stuff with my fellow cowboys. 
My too kind and loving wife says its going to take more than learning the lingo to avoid appearing to be an idiot.
I figured I was going to need some hens, and a rooster or two, but wasn’t sure if I should instead buy a pullet and a cockerel and let them grow up together. 
I didn’t figure I would need a capon but wasn’t sure.  Then I got to thinking that it might be better to just buy chicks or peeps as it might be cheaper. 
And maybe an old biddy to keep an eye out on the chicks.  This was getting awfully confusing.
But I decided that I have always wanted to wear snap up shirts, a cowboy hat and be a cowboy so I watched Yellowstone to get a few tips on being a rancher. 
I started to train my dog, Charlie Brown, to herd chickens.
I knew that I didn’t want to be a farmer of chickens because all the farmers I know work seven days a week, 24 hours a day and have to pray all the time because it doesn’t matter how good of a job they do, they have to have the Lord’s help and get some rain. 
And it seems that the rain can’t be too early, too late, or too much, and it can’t come in the form of hail…I am just saying they are awfully particular. 
They do get to wear overalls, which could be a plus, and drive a tractor, which I really like, but a Chicken Farmer just didn’t sound as exciting to me as Rancher.
So I am looking for investors for my Chicken Ranch. I might need a few workers too because I don’t really like to work too hard, or get up too early, or know how to ride a horse so I might need some cowboys. 
And I am not sure what chickens eat, how they sleep or where they hide their eggs so I got some learning to do. 
But now that I am retired, I think I can YouTube it and figure it out. 
I am not sure if the chicken comes before the egg, but I do know I won’t being eating my three-egg omelet in the morning anymore and may have to settle for an Egg McMuffin.