All That Wander Are Not Lost

I am in New Mexico, and you might be wondering why I am still out wandering.
But before you get all judgmental, remember “All that wander are not lost.” But sometimes we are lost but faking that we are not.
I can’t really explain it, but my too kind and loving wife and I have been living out of our truck. Which is convenient because I have everything I don’t need with me and the stuff that would be really useful, is somewhere else.
We are looking for Alien Throne, which is a bizarre rock formation apparently put here by aliens before they wrecked in Roswell. I have studied extensively all the government UFO documents recently released and sleuthed the internet looking for directions and the best I came up with was from the “Flat Earth Society” web site that carefully lays out the directions as, “Go to New Mexico.”
That’s it. So, with those detailed plans I left for New Mexico and here I am eating the best Mexican food I have had in two years.
Tonga has tacos and burritos, but they are not like New Mexico tacos and burritos. It is like calling a bagel a donut or like calling a Veggie burger a Crown Burger; there is a vague resemblance but it’s akin to eating dark dirt when you were expecting milk chocolate.
For legal reasons, I am writing this disclaimer to warn the casual reader to not be as stupid and unprepared as I am, and head out where there are no services, no potable water, no roads, and no trailhead or maps.
I am a seasoned wanderer and can usually blend in to any culture with my keen intellect and proficiency in foreign cultures and languages.
So I talk to the locals, “mi habla Espanol un poquito.” So far, I have found the “bano” and been given a “cerveza”. Neither of which was very useful.
What I didn’t realize then, but do now, is that I would need a Navajo Code Talker because to find the Alien Throne you have to travel to the “Ah-Shi-Sle-Pah” Wilderness Area.
As far as I can decode “Ah-Shi-Sle-Pah” means a place with no cell service where we send the white man to wander about and eventually die”.
After last week’s adventure to the Dragon’s Eye, my too kind and loving wife insists, I show her on a map just where we are going.
I read her the Flat Earth’s Society directions carefully, “Go to New Mexico.”
I explain, “A map is really not all that reliable. I mean here we are on our earth that is spinning on its axis, which revolves around the Sun which you all know from science class orbits in an ellipse around the center of the Milky Way (not the candy bar), which is being pulled towards Andromeda, which is being pushed towards our cosmic cluster Laniakea in the ever expanding void of space.”
So when I tell her that I don’t really know where I am or where I am going, I am telling her with all the clarity of a foggy day where Alien Throne is located.
You can see why I am going to qualify for sainthood, because of the patience I exercise towards my too kind and loving wife explaining these complicated things in my clear concise useful manner.
I am sure she appreciates my engineer brain because she always says, “Thanks. That was so helpful!” and then rolls her eyes.
After several hours of wandering, and to the casual observer my actions might have appeared as if I was lost, my too kind and loving wife demands that I ask for directions.
I stop at the trading post and ask a feller who looks like he might know.
I show him the picture of the rock and say, “Me!” (I point a finger at my chest), “and my woman” (my too kind and loving wife waves from the truck), “want to go there” (I point to the photo on my phone.)
You can see why I have an uncanny ability to blend into almost any culture in any country. The feller nods his head and points with his lips towards the south and I thank him as I head to the truck.
He and his buddies are laughing when I turn around and enthusiastically wave good-bye from my truck. I assure my too kind and loving wife we are on the right road and that based on how far the feller pointed with his lips, I estimate about 5.5 miles further.
Of course we found Alien Throne right where it has been for jillions of years. It took us hours of wandering like we were lost and comparing a gazillion hoo-doos with the picture on my phone.
I was about to give up and suddenly there it was, as splendid, bizarre, spectacular and amazing as I had hoped it would be.