The curious case of Leroy Taco

Dear Editor:
This is some correspondence between Monticello and a city resident.
Dear Danielle Bradford,
It was reported at the Monticello City office on June 17, 2013, that your dog, license number 572, Leroy Taco, was seen unleashed and harassing children. To avoid court and applicable fines, please notify, in writing, the Monticello City Office, of the measures you have taken to ensure your dog has been contained. Please submit by June 28, 2013. This is your first warning.
Monticello City Administration

Dear Monticello City Administration:
I have been asked to respond, in writing, to the Monticello City Office regarding claims that my dog, Leroy Taco, license number 572, was seen unleashed and harassing children.
I wonder, can anyone just call and make claims without the city verifying the validity of those claims? When I registered my Chihuahua/Terrier mix with Monticello offices, a clear description of Leroy Taco and his distinct markings was disclosed and documented at that time. Was this same description given by the victim when making the claim? There are no other Chihuahua/ Terrier mixes with the same markings as Leroy Taco in my neighborhood. There are no other Chihuahua/Terrier mixes with the same markings as Leroy Taco even in the city of Monticello that I am aware of.
Which brings me to my next question: Where did this event supposedly occur? If it was not near my house or in my yard, how does the victim know that the dog belongs to me? Did Leroy Taco speak to them? Was the victim able to get close enough to this harassing Chihuahua to see the license number of 572 to know that it was my dog? If the victim was able to get close enough to manhandle the dog to see his one inch by one inch tag to obtain the license number, then I question who was harassing who?
Don’t parents teach their children to respect the dead these days? Maybe this victim is unaware of their sixth sense gift. Has the victim’s parents been notified to have their child evaluated or to help the child understand their special gift?
If this truly was my dog that was seen unleashed and harassing children then it is by divine intervention that it occurred! Up to this point I did not believe in ghost dogs. But I can’t imagine that another dog would be wearing Leroy Taco’s dog collar with his license number of 572 unless it actually was Leroy Taco. How exciting to think that even dogs live beyond the grave and are able to continue as companions upon this earth even after they are deceased!! I am sad to think that Leroy Taco has possibly become an evil ghost dog if he is choosing to use his time running around town unleashed and harassing children. I would have hoped that he was left upon this earth as a good ghost dog to do well and provide comfort to those in need.
I have also been asked to respond, in writing, regarding the measures that I have taken or will be taking to ensure that my dog is contained. I have given this question much thought as I will be unable to effectively tie him up, restrain him, or contain him in any way as ghosts do not have skin and bones. I have come up with three options.
The first is to post signs around town warning the citizens of Monticello that there is a deceased killer Chihuahua that seems to randomly visit this world of mortals to harass and even attack them. If they are approached by the aforementioned killer dog then they should flee the area immediately and contact authorities as the victim in this case has done, since shooting the dog will be a futile attempt to prohibit any future attacks.
The second, if I am granted such a sighting, is to ask Leroy Taco, myself, to stop harassing the children of Monticello and become a good ghost dog instead (assuming, of course, that in the canine afterlife they are able to understand the English language).
The third would be to send a newsletter out to each house suggesting that the children of Monticello and surrounding areas wear garlic around their necks, carry a horse shoe in their pockets and throw a dash of salt over their shoulders before going outside to play. Maybe this would help ward off the evil, child harassing, ghost dog Leroy Taco. (Then again, I am not sure that Blue Mountain Foods would have enough garlic on hand forcing families to evenly divide the cloves amongst themselves).
On a positive note, my kids will be so happy to know that Leroy has returned from his grave and resides near our home today. Hopefully they will have the fortunate event of a sighting, as well, as they loved that dog dearly. Thank you for the shocking yet wonderful news! We will continue to be on the lookout for Leroy Taco, the ghost dog, roaming the streets of Monticello, UT!
RIP Leroy Taco (and please come and visit us too!!) September 8, 2012-May 19, 2013
Danielle Bradford

San Juan Record

49 South Main St
PO Box 879
Monticello, UT 84535

Phone: 435.587.2277
Fax: 435.587.3377
Open 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Friday