by Gary Torres
My too kind and loving wife; I frequently wonder what she was thinking, but I always know where her heart is. She signed me up for the gym again. She is taking Pilates for fanatics and a core training class at the college from ex-Marines.
I am thinking about ways to exercise and watch football at the same time. So far I have decided to put my Pepsi and chips/salsa on the coffee table in front of me so that I actually have to do crunches to get to them. I think I can see an improvement. My favorite sister-in-law told me that it looked like I had been working out.
It’s not that I can’t stick to a program for the long haul, but I kind of like to know that what I am doing is paying dividends. I did the same thing with my savings account. I checked it a few times a day to see it grow; so far I am mostly disappointed, with both my savings account and my workout regime.
However, and I speak truth here; the other day a youngster, which I now define as anyone not receiving social security, came up to me at the gym and asked me what exercise he had to do for his forearms.
First I was a little taken back, because if you haven’t noticed, when you reach a certain age, and I don’t know exactly what age that is, young people quit talking to you.
You may have reached that age if you ask your spouse if she wants to take a nap with you and you really just want to take a nap, or if you have had to pluck hair from your ears.
There are other signs, like when commercials come on the TV that are advertising for ailments of one kind or another and the side effects sound worse than your condition... but you seriously think that perhaps you should try it. Then you are probably old enough that young people don’t talk to you.
You may not have noticed because you have been too busy enjoying the peace and solitude. Really, this year I learned that getting old doesn’t have anything to do with the calendar.
But, here this youngster is asking me how to work out. I don’t know if he is asking me because most of my time at the gym is spent going around talking to people. It won’t be the first time someone has thought I work there.
I don’t know if he is asking me because he thinks that I have big strong forearms, which I don’t, or if he is looking for an old guy to take to school for grandparents day.
But one of the advantages of getting old is that you have opinions on everything, whether you know anything about it or not. And this isn’t my first rodeo, so I can pretend like I am an expert on any number of subjects that I have no clue about. Just ask my not-favorite sister-in-law, who thinks I am a know-it-all.
Having first-hand knowledge doesn’t preclude me from having an opinion. I have written articles for nearly twelve years and when asked, my too kind and loving wife still can’t tell anyone what I write about.
So I offered my advice to the youngster that wanted strong forearms, “Keep a 32 oz Pepsi in one hand and the remote control in the other all the time, and you can push weights all day long.” Now you all know the secret to my chiseled physique.
I know that my too kind and loving wife signed me up at the gym because she loves me. I always say if life gives you lemons, make lemonade; so I am using the gym experience to try out future careers such as being a personal trainer.
I guess if I get really big from pushing weights and acquire a foreign (more foreign than southern Utah) accent, maybe I’ll run for governor of California. Then I can take strong positions on important issues like Mayor Bloomberg of New York, and I too can ban 16 oz soda pop.